These are my confessions.

Did you all sing that headline? Ursher baby.

I don't know if YOU ALL like life update posts on the blog. But, I feel they are necessary, sort of for myself. Remember, you guys are like my little therapists. Plus, this was intended to be a weight loss blog before a recipe blog. FOOD BLOG. WHATEVER.

Plus, I love being defensive and giving you all a million excuses as to why I don't post as often or why weight loss discussions fell by the wayside. (hehe)

But fa real.

It's been a wild start to 2015. 2015. 2015. Can you believe it? I still can't. Why aren't we all robots using touch screens that magically appear right in front of us?

So, I had a cancer scare that is over and done with. Everything was benign. I had legitimate surgery for the first time in my life. I thought wisdom teeth extraction was real surgery. The anesthesiologist asked me what surgeries I had had, and he laughed at that answer. He was like, "oh, that's cute, good night." So, aside from an inward anxiety attack at the fact that they put me ON the operating table BEFORE I was under or even had happy gas crap, I did swimmingly. Basically, I own anesthesia. I woke up and I was like "cool, can I eat now?" I was really happy afterwards, because, obviously, it wasn't cancer. But also because I thought the surgeon actually made my *ahemchest* look better than it did before! I spoke too soon. It's now deformed. And I am kind of struggling with it, if I'm being honest. I'm 26 years old, for goodness sake. So, that's one thing on the brain. Although, I'm finding ways to just make fun of myself for it, of course, and it's making it seemingly less of a big deal.

Now, this confession is a big one. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea when I was ONLY 18! I have tonsils the size of Godzilla and sinus issues to boot. So, add in being overweight now, it had gotten worse. I never got on a mask because, WELL DUH. It's embarrassing, and loud, and uncomfortable, and I'm not a 300 pound 60 year old man with a beer gut? I've learned a lot since then. I kind of struggled inwardly with the sleep apnea and didn't share it with anyone. I knew it was worse now. But, I didn't want to face it head on. So, when I started to look sickly and seemed down all of the time, I was just like I DUNNOOOOOO. Enter me FINALLY telling my doc about it, and her yelling at me and shaking me profusely and being like "you're a damn idiot!" (kidding. she was so sweet.) So, I had to get re-tested to get on this mask. THIS DEATH SENTENCE. UGH. Long ass story wrapped up: I, of course, still had it and get this. I woke up from losing oxygen 30 times an HOUR. They said I was awake 1/3 of every single hour and didn't know it. Not only that, but I wake up because I'm struggling to breathe. They said to think of it like I'm working out ALL NIGHT and then I "wake up" and go work and do my thing, never having actually rested. WTF. Take my money. Give me that mask, right!? I also, along the way, met several skinny, in shape people with sleep apnea, which made me feel like this isn't exactly the fat people disease like I was led to believe. I met with an adorable, bubbly woman at a supply place who fitted me for a mask, which is 1/4 the size I always pictured it would be. I've sleep 8-11 hours a night, all the way through (OMG, I KNOW. she said I'm in debt to my sleep basically) and I'm stunned. This is how life is supposed to feel?! I knew the changes would be wonderful, but I'm tearing up thinking about how I thought that was just how life was supposed to be. I was just supposed to be tired and miserable and hungry ALL THE TIME. And, it's like, I'm finally awake. Truly. And I don't want crappy food. And I WANT to cook and clean and do fun things. And the mask? There's literally no sound and I'm not darth vader! But, you're allowed 5 minutes of laughing and making fun of me for wearing a sleep apnea mask. And that's it. 5 minutes. Go. Okay, now no more. :)

Non health related? I'm obsessing over eggs right now. Give me all of the over medium skillet eggs. This is going to sound crazy, but waffle house makes the best darn eggs in the world. I swear. Nothing compares. Now, if I can just not eat the waffle that comes with them. All will be right in the world.

Also, have you heard of Green Bean Delivery? Aka: Fresh food delivery Gods? My new obsession. If you live ANYWHERE near Louisville, please. Do yourself a favor and check it out. It's like Christmas morning getting my green box! And, it's an excuse to eat a lot more fresh produce that I may not otherwise pick out at the grocery.

All of this is organic and most of it is locally grown. All of this was only $50. And no delivery cost! So far, everything has been top notch. And I can't wait for next week. :)

I have a few recipes coming soon with some goods from our order. Like raw carrot and zucchini thai salad and blueberry banana bread for breakfast!

The bread was soooo good that I licked the batter bowl. No shame.

Thanks for hanging out with me today guys. Thanks for being loyal readers. Thanks for putting up with my non-sense. I'm excited that I feel like I can FINALLY start on this journey with you now that I am rested. I'm ready.

Oh, and Carl and Bo are cool. Per usual. And Mike is a saint. He's been through ALL OF THIS with me. And I get sick of myself and my stupid health issues. I can't even imagine how he feels. We're just glad it's all over!

See you SOON.

xo